I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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