I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
