Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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