I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Two words: nipple clamps
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