I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
