I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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