The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
