I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
