He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
