home. puking in laundry basket.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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