You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
