Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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