On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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