and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
