You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
