dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
