Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
