Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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