Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize