i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this will be a night to untag.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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