Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
