Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
