You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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