I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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