I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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