If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh god it's open bar.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
