My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
