I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
