Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
