I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
