his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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