i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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