my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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