WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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