How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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