The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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