Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
