everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
