yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
