6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
