Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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