now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
