i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
