Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
