I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
