I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
