He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
