In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
