All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
