i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
