My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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