John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
