She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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