Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
