you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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