You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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